Monthly Archives: May 2009

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I feel trapped. Trapped between where I am and where I want to be (or, rather, where I want return to). For weeks I’ve been obsessing about it. For months I’ve wanted to confess my desire but I’ve remained unable to let the words cross my lips, hoping that things don’t slip further out of my reach. Before it’s too late, I hope find the courage to let the words free like a spring released.

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A woman I work with told me today “You are just the most far away person I think I have ever met”.

I think that’s kind of sweet in a warped way. I like it. And I suspect it’s quite true.

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I miss you so much.
I’m lost and so very guilty of loving you
and admitting it too late.

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John Collier Lilith.

In some stories from the great fairy tale we know as religion, Lilith was the first wife of Adam. Apparently she was too much for him to handle (she probably wasn’t subservient enough) so he had her kicked out of the Garden of Eden and replaced with a more respectful and compliant woman. Poor boy. Then Lilith, in an act of revenge, took the form of a serpent and tricked Eve into eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, thus leading to the alleged downfall of the human race.

Of course, if this god fellow is as all-knowing as he and his adherents claim, he would’ve known all that was going to happen, wouldn’t he?